God's Glory

This blog is being written to show the awesome power of God. How he can take any situation and grant grace. I need for everyone who reads this to understand where you have been in order to understand where you going. God has a plan for you in the midst of whatever storm your in, when it comes to storms we are either in one, coming out of one or headed into one. The most valuable lesson I have learned throughout all of those things which the enemy wish to have me bound up with was that God is still a God of love. You will see God's love running rampant in all of the things we endured. Be blessed. Don't be afraid to ask question or further a discussion.

Breakin the cycle

See we had traditional Xmas, well traditional to us @ 4951. The night before Xmas was DEC. 26 or sometimes the Monday after Xmas. Why!?!?!? Check Day!!!! It wasn't always the 1st and 15th for you check. There was a time where it was just the 1st. If you have any kind of habit, you have more money going out then coming in. So if a check was coming on Dec. 15 you know you have 9 days before Xmas, yet you know if you have a habit. Your thinking I got a check coming the day after Xmas........my kids love me and I love my habit too. Which one will I chose? Yep!!!! There were times when Xmas was on the 26th or any day after. Chairs, doors or whatever else was decorated like a Xmas tree. That was our tradition. That My Mom was the Black Macgyver she could make nothing into anything (more on this later). Till this day that chair was the best looking tree I have seen. For all you who are looking for a mate or trying to figure out who to be with, God has given the measuring stick, female looking for a male your Dad, male looking for female you Mom's. Believe it is fail proof. Yep she is like my Mom, strong, hardheaded, creative, gets
on my last nerve, says things to you that no one else in this world could get away with, loves you harder, when they are not feeling well your not feeling well, they are hurt you want to hurt who hurt them and most of all when they are not around your lost. I know I am not the only one that when the phone rings I want the caller id to say Norland Bailey or Bernadette Bailey.

Let me hit you with this I have had times where i didn't call people on the holidays because I felt like I was being unfair because i couldn't call them. When I first moved to Coatesville after leaving Philly (Sorry Girls for Leaving Y'all!!!! Love you!!!) I wasn't used to the lifestyle, having a phone, electricity,.....etc. So the material things overwhelmed me. I asked Dana and Amir if I could called Aunt Pam, Mom. Dana paused for a moment, and said If I wanted to I could but just be sure. I never did do it though. Candi I ain't knockin you Sis, I love you for you courage. I didn't do it because I was scared. Whoa!!!! Couldn't lose two if you feel me. I didn't start grieving I mean really grieving until I was in my 20's. I had to leave Coatesville and go back in order to grieve.


WOW!!!! The devil had me so bound up in my past that I could not even enjoy the birth of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. See what we don't see or want to see is when we act like the past didn't happen the devil has victory. For me not to acknowledge what has taken place lets the enemy feel like it still has a hold on me. I got to stand up and say I WANT IT ALL BACK!!!! Everything that you took from me.......my past mistakes.........my joy.........my self-esteem........MY FAMILY..........yes I have forgiven all those who wronged me and i am ready to move forward, let me ask this if i am ready to move forward shouldn't I be able to talk about those things that have been thru. ITS CALLED A TESTIMONY!!!!!!!!!!! For years the past has interfered in everything I was involved in, from my relationships to how I looked at myself. The past has a way of trapping us in a box. You could have forgiven everyone who has done you wrong that's just opening the flaps on the box and peeking your head out. NO LONGER WILL I BE IN THE BOX. This family was given its ministry on 7th street. Tell me who we cannot Minister to, tell me who I cannot identify with, family issues I got them, issues with self I got them, anger issues I got them, issues with the opposite sex I had them, addiction I had them and through the God's grace and magnified mercy and through Jesus stripes I AM HEALED!!!!!!! There ain't nothing that I can go through in the future that God has not prepared us for, come on now!!!!!! God tests and the devil tempts. God will not test you on things on he has not already covered. NO POP QUIZZES!!!!!!!

Holidays

See the holidays had a way of making things worse for us. We were already broke, I don't know how but the holidays made us broker. There was not alot of Xmas trees, decorations or gifts for that matter. Kids were getting Cabbage patch dolls, G.I. Joe, and Transformers. We got dollar store toys before it was called Dollar store. There was no Xmas dinners being cooked. Wouldn't have worked on a hot plate.

Holiday's

Man this is the most difficault time of the year for me. I am getting better. It don't wipe me out like it used too. Tonight me and the fam our putting up the Xmas tree and decorating everything and I am having fun. Its a struggle because the enemy knows my weaknesses. No struggle No progress. I am not the same time for some new tricks!!!!!! More to come on this subject.

Robert Chadwick Ray

The smartest man I ever knew. I have so many thoughts of Chad that its crazy. Thoughts from Philly to Coatesville. I will share a few, I remember one time I got into a fight with this kid down the street from our house. I am not sure why I was fighting but I knew i had to. I beat this kid up, I am walking home in victory. I get inside the house and all of sudden there is a knock on the door and its this kids Dad and he grabs me by the shirt and starts yelling and screaming at me. Over the shoulder of this grown man I could see Chad hopping the banister's of the houses next to us. he was a couple of houses down playing chess with a older man. The man holding me didn't even realize Chad was coming until he felt Chad's hand around his throat. The man let me go and Chad whispered something in his ear, he let the man go and the man hurried down the street. Chad asked me if i was okay then when I said I was he told me to be careful and went back to his game. Every time I saw the man after that he went out of his way to speak to me. I wonder what Chad said to him, whatever he said it worked. You were watching over me then and I know you are watching over us now. 3 years ago I heard that you had gotten saved before you were killed, I was so happy. Thank you Jesus. Thanks Chad I miss you.

Free lunch

I used to look forward to the summer time. Not because we didn't have school. But because it was a guaranteed meal. I knew that me and my sisters would eat a meal at least once a day. now each block gave out different lunches. I few gave out lunches at different times, so sometimes we would have two meals. I would drag my sisters to these blocks, to make sure we ate. Thank you Jesus for free lunches.

Dialysis

Death has a way of stripping you down bare. I was 11 yo when my Mom was called home. Before she died she was on dialysis. Dialysis is where they hook you up to a machine and and take you blood in a continuos motion out of your body and do what your kidneys are supposed to do. Healthy kidneys clean the blood by filtering out extra water and wastes. They also make hormones that keep your bones strong and blood healthy. When both of your kidneys fail, your body holds fluid. Your blood pressure rises. Harmful wastes build up in your body. Your body doesn't make enough red blood cells. There would be a van that came and picked her up twice a week in order for her to go to receive treatment. I used to race the van to the hospitial in order to meet her there. I would sneak into the hospitial where she was, the nurses would feed me, they would give me little snacks. Lord bless those nurses please. I just didn't want her to be alone. How I made it through school? God's grace.
The first time I seen it done, it was a combination of hurt and anger. Hurt because my Mom had to go thru such treatment, anger because of the pain she had to endure. Yet she never complained. It was the beginning of the end, she lost so much weight. Seemed like she was just wasting away. She had a large open wound on the inside of her left thigh, I cleaned that wound 3 times a day. If you have ever made homeade biscuits of cut cookies, you know that you must take the cutter and press very firm in order to cut straight through the dough. If you don't it leaves a impression in the dough. This wound was cause by numerous injections into the same area. I wonder did she stop getting high once she started going to dialysis. This was a time when they did not test for HIV/AIDS.

Not Twins but Life Partners

My Mom and Dad had 6 children, Mark the oldest, then Chad, then myself, follow by Keya, Candi and Emily. Each of us were a apart so it was like we were in pairs. Mark and Chad are a year apart, Me and Keya, and Candi and Emily. I see God in all of this, see in the situation we were in we needed a partner. This partnership was not exclusive it just meant that we had someone who is wow its hard to explain. On a police force you proably have hundreds of officers, members of the same team, some have partners yet they are still a member of the same team still. I LOVE MY FAMILY!!!! Each one is so unique and play a vital role in our family. With the loss of Chad, it has left a MAJOR void!!!!!!

The First Time

Listen this is taking me places I have not been in a long time. I never wanted to go back, the Lord has other plans. His will be done. This is by far the most difficult time of the year for me, i have struggle all my life with not just this holiday, but all holidays. I never had any reason to celebrate. Thank God for deliverance, I am able to relive the pain and it not wipe me out. Glory to God.

There were always groups of people coming to by the house to see my Dad. Soon as they would show up he would get dress very quickly and he would leave with them. I always noticed that my Mom would have a combination anxious and sadness, little did I know that understanding was right behind me. When my Dad would return they would head straight towards my parents bedroom and shut and lock the door. I did not know how to express my curiousity about what was taking place behind the close door. So I would knock on the door and ask a question I already knew the answer to, in hope that they would either stop what they were doing or include me. After sometime the door would be open..........wow this is tough.......and I would see everyone in the room in a half sleep half awake state everything would be funny.

One day while my parents were away, now this did not happen to often them being away. Usually on the first of the month, check day. While they were away I decided to see what was going on behind those doors. Now this is after years of that door being closed. I looked all around the room, in all the usual places under the bed, behind the dresser.....then I went to the closet. I had to stand on something to reach the top, I couldn't see what was up there but i could reach it. I swept my hand across and brushed somethings, the thing I remember the most was the syringe. The effects that syringe has had on my life. It has taken so many things away from me, me not liking to have blood drawn has nothing to do with the feeling of the syringe on the outside but the pain it and rememberance of what it has cost me. I never asked my parents about it. It became the secret that we all knew but never talked about. I HATE SECRETS!!!!!
I am sorry we should have talked about it. I should have done more. What could I have done? Jesus I was so young, yet you had feel such pain........Thank You Jesus.

The Beginning Continued......

I grew up where everything was a hot commodity. Meaning everyone I knew had electricity, heat, telephone and countless other device. I remeber being at my Aunt Pam's house and hearing the telephone ring, and wondering what a strange noise. 4951 7th street was its own planet or universe. Everytime you stepped out the door you felt like you were in another world. In side my house lived two adult drug addicts and six children. I remember first finding out that my parents were on drugs.........there would be these white people who would come down to our house there were some there just about everyday, some were nice others not as nice. Let me explain this point to you there were six children in this house who were hungry and cold, and some of these people never gave us a kind word or a look for that matter. Revelation!!!! This is the birthplace of my difficulties with white people. Thank you Jesus for that revelation.....now its time for some healing I need to go and ask for forgiveness.

The Beginning continued

See you have to have some background on where i have been in order to understand where I am at or where i am headed. Just me talking about where I have been, or what i have been thru was very hard. Now it makes me rejoice, and say THANK YOU JESUS!!!! For you brought me thru. Man if you ever need a something to rejoice about or your having a hard time seeing God, look back at where you were, and what mountains he carried you over. I don't know about you but there have been somethings that I just knew i would never overcome. Yet he has brought me thru, All Glory be to God.
There are certain things in my past that i know I have blocked out. Blocking out memories is a defense mechanaism. Blocked out memories usually are memories of hurts, loss, or countless other negative memories. Its your minds way of protecting you. The mind is more powerful then you think.
I dig deep into myself not just for myself but for all of you. As hard as this may be to read, understand the complexity of me writing it.

Testimony generally involves outward profession of faith or of personal religious experience.This is my testimony.

I was born in Coatesville Pa. I did most of my growing in Philly. I am the son of Bernadette and Norland. Most people called them Moochie and Slim.

The beginning

What is this ministry? When it comes to ministry, I beleive God places us in a ministry that he has delivered us from. Now of course this is not the format of God. There is no format for God. There many guarantees. I have a tendancy to jump from topic to topic just bear with me. I have to give some background on myself, talking about myself is proably my least favoraite thing to do, I love myself I don't accept complements very well. I will fight for any and everybody but I will be last on the list. I was a rebel without a cause, now I am rebel with cross. From a very young age I found myself in constant trouble. Now I was not what they call mischievous, I saw a need and I would look for any and every way to fullfill that need. Breaking whatever rule or law it took to get it done. In the midst of conflict or struggle there is noone better. The vision I was given by God for this ministry is to reach those who feel lost, lonely, and that they have to take things in thier own hands.